I was drawn to write this after attending a conference last weekend on “Soul-Searching, Soul-Making & Soul-Breaking”. The emphasis was on psychotherapeutic relationships but it could have been on any sort of relationship really.

I spend most of my work time working with individuals and small groups, either privately or in the workplace. Coming from an industrial, engineering background, I tend to come at things from a very practical, down-to-earth background.

So the conference was interesting in so much as with each speaker, I mentally moved backwards and forwards along a continuum between work/life and psychotherapeutic/life relationships as to how applicable each idea put forward was. The common theme within each was the depth of relationship we have, in whatever setting we are in, has a major impact on the outcomes we get. This in turn is influenced by how much of us is available to be met, or meet, in relationship. How much of the history that we drag around with us and radiate out through body language and words keeps us from entering into deeper relationship with another? From a therapists point of view, how much of me is available to meet the client in their suffering?

The results we get in life are very much dependant on how we are in relationship with others and how well we know ourselves. Studies on Emotional Intelligence (EQ) show that high levels of EQ have a significant impact on how successful we are in life.

My point is that in order for healing, development or deeper relationship to come about, we need to be able to connect at different levels, unconditionally. For that there must be an absence of fear which means there must be trust and the intention to be non judgemental.

So in order to work with issues and problems, we have to have awareness about our impact on others, we must feel safe, the lines of communication must be open at different levels and we have to be available.